The Yoga of Relationships With the Yoga Couple
Yoga for relationships
One of the most influential factors in the health and wellness of my going on 9-year relationship with my wife has been my yoga practice! At the onset of starting my practice of yoga, I would have never associated the two things. However, looking back on it now, I can see that my practice allowed me to reach heightened levels of awareness within myself and, as a result, within the dynamics of my relationship.
The power of presence
The most powerful yogic principle that drastically improved my relationship specifically is the ability to be present with what is coming up, whether it be the joys of life or the painful discomforts. The ability to sit with discomfort is something that I have found is absolutely vital to a strong relationship due to the level of vulnerabilities that inevitably come up in a relationship. This is when we run into the same problems, disagreements, and patterns of hurt because we are not taught how to sit in the discomfort of a situation and find the healing wisdom it is trying to share with us. This inner wisdom cannot be noticed if we are always trying to mask or avoid the discomfort that gets triggered in our relationships.
Before my yogic practice of presence, I would be reactive, dismissive, or masked the discomfort with drugs, alcohol, or porn when anything in the relationship would trigger an inner emotional or spiritual wound that I had not resolved. This would then play out in a defensive reaction and projection pattern, and I would keep thinking it was my partner who was the problem and source of my pain. All the while, my deep inner healing was getting neglected because I could not sit in the discomfort long enough to realize that it was a sign of something wanting to be healed within me! The triggered situation is actually a healing opportunity, and my partner is serving as a catalyst for my healing by bringing to the surface something that I have not given attention and love to.
Relationships are the ultimate place for healing the heart
Because our intimate relationship is built on the foundation of love and all inner wounds come from not feeling loved to some degree, our relationship is the ultimate place for all our inner wounds to get brought to the surface for healing. For example, our partner does or says something that makes us feel embarrassed or not good enough. The discomfort of that wound of judgment is so hurtful that our mind quickly associates the discomfort with the situation, what our partner said or did, and our partner’s character. With presence and sitting with the discomfort without reacting to it, we will notice there is much more to this hurt than the mind is letting on. The discomfort actually has layers to it.
The first layer of the discomfort is in the current moment with our partner and any hurt that they may have unintentionally caused. While this does need to be held accountable and worked through to understanding and forgiveness, it is not the primary source of the hurt.
The second and deeper layer of the discomfort is from the original wound—when we first felt deeply judged and not good enough. When we have the patience and presence to sit with the discomfort long enough, we will unravel not only the pain of this current situation but countless others before it that have just been accumulating in our subconscious, never getting resolved. The trigger was just a catalyst for exposing a whole world of neglected self-care that we had never been able to notice before we were able to be present with our discomfort. The discomfort hides our healing from us because leaning into the discomfort and embracing it is the last thing we would ever think to do.
Finding healing and reconnecting to our true potential
Once we are able to be present with the discomfort and become curious of its true origins, we can then do our inner work to set ourselves free from our wounds once and for all. We find that all hurt is passed on and is only ever a reflection of inner hurt that we inherited from another hurt person. And on and on the cycle has repeated, until now. Through mastering the art of presence, we can catch our autopilot wounded reactions and take a pause instead and consciously choose our response. Practically speaking, this brings forth breakthrough improvements in our communication skills, emotional intelligence, spiritual and energetic awareness, and greater compassion, wisdom, and forgiveness.
Presence is the way to lasting love and happiness
Beyond the offering of healing unresolved wounds of the heart, the yogic practice of presence also gives us the highest levels of love and gratitude for our relationship. When we are deeply present with all that is beautiful, loving, and uplifting in our life, it is actually awe-inspiring and overwhelming. When we are radically present with our partner, we love them to the fullest extent possible because our love for them is savored in every moment as if it is the last. We unlock a love and appreciation that is timeless and can be evoked at any moment. When we are present, we are free of expectations, and it is impossible to take our partner for granted. Every moment is like a slow-motion movie scene of profound love. It sounds cheesy until you try it, and tears of joy well up in your eyes from how incredibly powerful it is to love another human being so profoundly.
To be present in our relationship keeps us forever grateful for the opportunity to share life with another soul that we deeply admire, cherish, and love. And not only that, but this glorious being loves us back! To be present with what it means to allow ourselves to be loved, to be seen, and be our most authentic self is the most blissful feeling of true freedom and lasting happiness. And our relationship is the ultimate place to access these states of higher consciousness—if we can be present and not overlook them.
